Shinigami Interviews!
by SaphSoul
Summary: Me interviewing Shinigami from bleach with hilarious/deadly results.
1. Chapter 1

Shinigami Interviews! Anyway, this is where you send in your questions via review when your favourite character or whatnot shows up! This one's only for Shinigami, but I have one for Espada Interviews, and I think I have one that shall be Visard Interviews. And I'll probably put Ichigo's friends into the Shinigami one, or make a new one for them, all up to you. Anyway, this is the start of Shinigami Interviews! Our first guest is...Kuchiki Byakuya! I know it's a random place to start, but hey, he's a popular character, and I love him! So get those questions in folks! *goes off to contemplate how he's going to get Bya-chan into the building*...*each time his plan ends with him being taken apart by Senbon Zakura*


	2. Byakuya

Saph: Hello and welcome to Shinigami Interviews! YAY! Bya-chan comes in today!...or is it Byaku-kun? Or Byakuya-sama? Or Kuchiki-dono? (shakes head) either way, I think I've managed to get him to come. I sent him a letter telling him the truth and asking him to come. That may not be much, but I included a Chinese bell flower and a recipe for extremely spicy food. I hope he comes!

(a few minutes later the doors swing open and Byakuya comes in)

Saph: YAY!

Byakuya: I got the letter. When can we get started?

Saph: Sit down and we will! You have so many fans!

Byakuya: Do I? (flips hair)

Saph: Yup! The fanmail we got fills up our entire storage room! And that place is HUGE! (makes really big motions with hands) Hikaru's back there trying to sort it all out for me as we speak.

Byakuya: ...

(a few minutes later a wad of envelopes gets tossed to Saph)

Saph: YAY! He finished! Good boy, Hikaru!

Byakuya: That doesn't seem like a lot.

Saph: If we included all the mail we got, we'd be here forever! And a busy man such as yourself doesn't have time to waste here!

Byakuya: that's right. I left Renji in charge when I left. I do not want to imagine what horrors he has laid to my office. (shudders)

Saph: Anyway, our first question is from...YAY! FallenAngelItachi! He/she says:

Oh... Nice! I like these interviews.  
Byakuya eh? Hum, that'd be tricky to achieve, bringing him here and all. Maye  
if you used Hisana as an excuse? Bah, he'd probably go bankai on you if you  
used THAT excuse...

So ask him this: "How does he feel about the fact Renji is in love with Rukia  
and what would he do if he found out that... (this one say it with extreme  
caution) Rukia was pregnant and Ichigo was the father?"

Actually, I don't know; can shinigami get pregnant? But even if he tells you  
they can't, please make him answer-hehehe!

Saph: Wow, good questions, I just hope you don't get us both killed asking these. And no, I would never dare touch Hisana-san. She's too beautiful.

Byakuya: Thank you, I am sure she is very happy. By the way, am I supposed to answer these?

Saph: Yup! First one asks how you feel about Renji having the hots for your little sis.

Byakuya: Renji likes Rukia?

Saph: Yes.

Byakuya: Improbable. For a commoner to have feelings for royalty, it simply cannot be done.

Saph: Well, Rukia is a commoner, and you're okay with that. And you marrying Hisana-san was sort of like that. And Rukia going around with Ichigo seems like that too.

Byakuya: True. But it is still impossible.

Saph: okay. Her next one asks how you feel about (gulp) Rukia having Ichigo's baby and if Shinigami can get pregnant.

Byakuya: (fuming)

Saph: Please, Byakuya-sama, don't be mad!

(hikaru comes in with a shield to protect Saph just as Byakuya unleashes Senbon Zakura.)

Saph: Byakuya-sama, please control yourself!

Byakuya: (calms down)

Hikaru: (removes the shield)

Saph: Thanks Hikaru! Where'd you get that thing?

Hikaru: (blushes and walks off stage)

Byakuya: ...

Saph: Please, just answer the question.

Byakuya: I do not think it is possible for shinigami to get pregnant. I have never heard of such a thing. But, if it is possible, I'd never imagine my sister doing it with that pitiful excuse for a thing.

Saph: wow. You hate Ichigo that much?

Byakuya: It's not a matter of like or dislike. He was my enemy at one time, but he saved Rukia, and opened my eyes. For that I am grateful. But, if he were to lay a hand on my sister, he would pay with far more than his life.

SAph: I see. You'd take his life, and his chances of ever having children.

Byakuya: Exactly.

Saph: Harsh. Anyway, next question. This one's from yugiohgx5dsgrl. He/she says:

Well, I have a question.

Byakuya, do you respect Ichigo?

Saph: Wow...

Byakuya: In a way, maybe.

Saph: Okay... next question! This one is from xMidnight-Spiritx. He/she says:

Ask him wat h thinks about the rest of da captains and vice  
captains!

Saph: Ahhh...I really don't like spelling errors and MSN speak.

Byakuya: This person's bad language skills are making my head hurt.

Saph: Yeah, either way, answer it.

Byakuya: I respect Genryuusai, him being the Sou-taichou. His lieutenant I don't know too well, but I like that he doesn't speak much. Soi fon, I think her sense of duty is a little over the top, but I respect her for it.

Saph: As if you're one to talk.

Byakuya (ignoring) her lieutenant is a lazy worm though.

Saph: You can say it. He's retarded!

Byakuya: I cannot outright insult him. Gin was always a sappy one. Too kind to everybody and that smile was just creepy. I'm glad he's gone.

Saph: Wouldn't that be rooting for the betrayal?

Byakuya: It doesn't matter, he doesn't deserve to be a captain either way. And his Lieutenant was the same way. Too soft to do anything.

Saph: Please don't talk about Kira-san that way.

Byakuya: I'm sorry. Unohana-taichou deserves the utmost respect though. She's one of the only remaining captains of the old line up. And she can hold her own in a fight, although she would prefer not to.

Saph: Yeah, she's awesome!

Byakuya: But her lieutenant worries over everything.

Saph: Yeah, and she has strange dreams.

Byakuya: Yes. Next is Aizen. He was okay until he became a traitor.

Saph: Yes, he was sweet. So kind to Momo.

Byakuya: She was another sappy one. Always doting over her captain, that thought alone filling her head so much that she didn't notice his betrayal. A lieutenant is the closest person to the captain, if they can't see it then who will? They are worthless.

Saph: Momo's nice, she just has an Aizen-complex. Please don't insult her so. She's not worthless, she is an expert in kido.

Byakuya: forgive me. Then there's my lieutenant, Renji. He's sort of lazy, and a suck up. But he managed to achieve bankai under my nose.

Saph: That must have made you pretty ticked.

Byakuya: I cannot say that, it would be out of character.

Saph: You act that way on purpose?

Byakuya: if I do not behave and set an example, who will?

Saph: Really, you need to stop being so strict.

Byakuya: then there's Komamura, I don't know him that well, but he is a pretty...odd...person.

Saph: The whole fox thing. He's cool though. And strong.

Byakuya: Yes. Considering how he threw Pow.

Saph: Yeah, and his lieutenant?

Byakuya: I do not know Iba that well so I cannot say much about him.

Saph: Okay. What about Kyoraku?

Byakuya: He's a lazy captain, one wonders how he could be one of the most powerful.

Saph: He probably acts like a drunk because he's powerful, or because he likes to lull people into a sense of false security.

Byakuya: I'd never thought of that before.

Saph: Okay, and his lieutentant?

Byakuya: Nanao is a beautiful maiden, but she is too uptight about rules and duty.

Saph: Yet again, you're one to talk.

Byakuya: That brings us to the ninth squad, does it not?

Saph: It does. What do you think of Tousen?

Byakuya: Blind, in more ways than one. He is also a traitor, and frankly, his sense of justice and the way he monologues about it is just boring.

Saph: Yeah.

Byakuya: His lieutenant is good though. Very dutiful, but still drinks too much.

Saph: haha. Hisagi's awesome!

Byakuya: Captain Hitsugaya, the child prodigy. He's alright, but I fear that he is too young.

Saph: But you gotta admit, he's pretty strong, and his zanpakuto is beautiful.

Byakuya: you like that thing?

Saph: Yes! I love ice!

Byakuya: Either way, his lieutenant can only be described by one word. Lazy.

Saph: haha! Poor Rangiku!

Byakuya: the eleventh, Kenpachi, is just plain screwed up in the head. What kind of idiot laughs like that? And he is in great need of plastic surgery.

Saph: haha! Hopefully he never hears that.

Byakuya: His lieutenant is just a child, she can't really do much, can she? And her sense of direction and naming are way off the mark.

Saph: haha! Yachiru?

Byakuya: Yes. And then there's the twelfth. Captain Kurotsuchi scares me.

Saph: he scares all.

Byakuya: and his lieutenant as well, so emotionless.

Saph: She's pretty though, and I love emotionless people like that!

Byakuya: Do you? Either way, that brings us to the last one. Ukitake. A fool if there ever was one. His constant pacifism is going to be his undoing. And his third seats are just plain annoying.

Saph: I agree with you on his subordinates, but I like Ukitake. Pacifism is a good thing, but I wouldn't rely on it against an opponent such as Kenpachi.

Byakuya: I see.

Saph: Next question! This one is from someone called B.B. He/she says:

'Byakuya...What was the your thoughts when rukia almost died?And how dode it  
feel to lose by a guy who wasnt really a shinigami?But dont get me wrong i  
still think your better than Ichigo!  
-B.B'

Saph: Wow, really personal...

Byakuya: It was strange. I had conflicting emotions at the time my sister was sent to be executed.

Saph: Aww. And I bet you're glad Ichigo stopped it! I bet you hug her every night!

Byakuya: No.

Saph: Aww.

Byakuya: Losing to Kurosaki really opened my eyes. It means that I must get stronger, and the fact that he is a freak. What was that thing that interrupted our battle?

Saph: That was his hollow side! Ichi has become a Visard!

Byakuya: A what?

Saph: Go back about 110 years and find the reason why Urahara was wrongfully exiled and you'll know.

Byakuya: Kurosaki's been alive that long?

Saph: No. But Visards have.

Byakuya: I see.

Saph: Well, that's it!

Byakuya: What?

Saph: We're done. You can go back to the Seireitei and see the mess Renji did while you were away.

Byakuya: Okay. Thank you for having me.

Saph: Thanks for coming!

Byakuya: (leaves in a dignified manner)

Saph: Well, that was Byakuya! Anyway, our next guest is-Hikaru, who is it?

Hikaru: (walks onto stage with an envelope) (hands envelope to Saph)

Saph: (opens envelope) Oh wow! People, our next guest is going to be Kira Izuru. I can't wait! I want to know if I can call him Emo-chan! Jk jk...or am I? So get those questions in people!


	3. Authors Note

This isn't a chapter, it's just me telling you guys that I've decided to interview the zanpakuto as well. Sogyo no Kotowari is too cute! Either way, look out for them and start thinking up what you want to ask them! But please wait for the one to appear in the fic before you ask. Thanks!

-Saph


End file.
